February 17, 2011
Well, I believe I’ve finally given Sam the ultimatum that will get him off the fence one way or another. This morning I told him that he needs to be in the marriage or out. That he is hurting me too much with the way it is right now. He asked if we can talk tonight. The thing that kills me about Sam is that after 12,13 years he said his love for me started to fade. Now he doesn’t love me, won’t say it, won’t be physical with me, keeps his distance. He is living in the house and helping with the kids at night and smiling and nodding, but gone emotionally from the marriage.
How much more can I take? He continues to hurt me on a daily basis with his indecisiveness. Yes, divorce scares me to death. Moving, getting a decent job, raising the kids basically alone 24/7, all of it is frightening. Not having a person there who has my back, someone to talk to at night, spend time watching shows with, eating good food with.
Tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary. I am petrified that the evening before my anniversary my husband is going to say he is done with it all.
It really sucks that one person can make a decision to change another persons life completely. And now that is the exact situation that I find myself in. I hate it. I’ve never felt so alone and hopeless in my entire life.
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