November 15, 2012
I want Sam out of my life forever. He doesn’t want to be near me or involved in my life, why should I do anything for him? I made a move on him 2 months ago in the shower and then when it was over we did not speak about it. He acted like nothing happened. We’ve had sex twice in the last year and 3 months and that is because I initiated it. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. He says it is because for years he tried to talk to me and get a deep connection between us and it never happened. So he shut off that part of his psyche. Or he started looking for other women, whatever, right? So for the last 3 1/2 years he has pulled away and completely distanced himself from me. I hate him for it.
Why should I live with someone who doesn’t want to be with me? Someone who doesn’t want to be loved or in love with me? Kids, I have tried. I’ve spent the last 2 1/2 years off and on in counseling for help. I’ve apologized to him at least 100 times for my past wrongdoings. I have tried to explain that I’ve always loved him. None of it has made a difference. I am sorry. Sorry that one day I will leave him or he will leave me and you will have your lives changed forever. I can’t do this anymore. I have never been so disheartened and enveloped in darkness in my life.
Tonight he comes home to yell at the kids for being loud or not listening or being naughty and patiently waits until it is time for them to go to bed. Then he can get on his f*ing world of warcraft and play it until 2 a.m. The kids don’t like him because he is not emotionally invested in their lives. He doesn’t get excited about anything they tell him. He doesn’t do special things with them individually or collectively. I don’t consider making popcorn and turning on a movie a special thing.
Sounds familiar. My cheater was always playing some stupid military game on his computer. Earphones on and totally checked out of the family as I did everything around him.
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