I couldn't stop my fingers

I sent two nasty emails today.  One to Monica that read:  He is all yours.  Good luck.

The second was to my cheating husband:  Stay away from me for a while or I will be calling Mr. B (Monica's husband) and spilling all your S*#$.  How dare you continue to have contact with her all this time.  We are married, does that mean anything to you?  You and Monica can go get f@*#ed.

Am I proud?  No.  Do I feel better?  Yes.

My mom keeps asking me when I was going to start getting angry.  Today I started.

Cheating husband is accusing me of simplifying this mess down to one issue (his cheating).  Hell yes!  If he hadn't cheated, had stayed focused on THIS family, we wouldn't be sitting in this spot right now.

Four years ago rather than looking for other women to have a "connection" with, he should have looked at himself and how he could fix things at home.  Then tell me that if things didn't change, he didn't want to be married to me.  I can't guarantee I could have solved it all or made him happy, but at least he could have given me the chance before he started seeing someone else.

So many emotions are inside of me the past few weeks: rage, anger, revenge, sadness, betrayal, self-pity.  I feel like this is about as bad as this can get.  If I can make it through the next 90 or so days, part of my life will be easier and part of it will be forever harder.

I am very blessed to have the complete support and backing of my family and closest friends.  I know that they will not let us go hungry or become homeless.  I know that they will provide what they can so that the boys can maintain as much of their normal activities as possible.

I am looking for jobs every day.  I know that I can hold off until fall when school starts but I need to be on lookout now.

Juggling preschool, kindergarten and elementary schedules is not going to be easy.

I hate that cheating husband has taken away my ability to be a stay at home mom.