Saturday night alone:
Ran errands. Had leftovers for dinner. Needed a movie.
I ran to redbox and decided to check out Flight with Denzel Washington. I love action movies and Denzel Washington is pretty easy on the eyes. The DVD was out but it was available on Blue-Ray.
This shouldn't have been a problem. I have a DVD player in my room but there is a Blue-Ray player in the family room, or so I thought.
I took the movie downstairs and popped it in. No go. When cheater husband was packing his belongings he failed to mention that he was taking the Blue-Ray player. It is fine, I gave it to him for Christmas last year. I was just perturbed that I found out it was gone at 10 p.m. on a Saturday night. He was considerate enough to set up the old DVD player that we used before we got the Blue-Ray and I hadn't noticed anything was different until tonight, when I tried to use it for a Blue-Ray.
I am sure this is just the first of 200 things that I will find don't take up space in my home anymore.
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
First Weekend Alone
My three loud, fun, crazy boys have left to spend the weekend with their father. He is living with his sister and her family until he can afford to get a place of his own. Which when he whined about that my response was, "not my problem. you want a divorce." But I digress....
When the door shut and I had waved until they were down the street I sat down in the quiet and tried not to cry. Yes this is needed for me and for them. It is incredibly hard to be the only caregiver except for a few hours a week when he shows up to see them. However, it doesn't change the fact that I would keep them close to me and shielded from these changes forever if I could.
I sat for a while. Then I needed to leave the house. A recently single friend told me that every Friday night when her STBX takes the kids, she gets a sandwich from Jimmy John's and a Redbox and sits in her bed eating and watching one movie, sometimes two if she is feeling crazy! :)
So I went to get my Jimmy John's. Then decided rather than a movie I could catch up on Mad Men on Amazon Prime. So once my sandwich is eaten I will hide in my bedroom with a huge Diet Coke and Don Draper to make me feel better.
Then I may just need to take 1/2 of a tranquilizer that my mom gave me so that I don't cry myself to sleep tonight alone in this quiet, quiet house.
My heart goes out to women everywhere who are experiencing separation and divorce. Nothing can prepare you for it.
When the door shut and I had waved until they were down the street I sat down in the quiet and tried not to cry. Yes this is needed for me and for them. It is incredibly hard to be the only caregiver except for a few hours a week when he shows up to see them. However, it doesn't change the fact that I would keep them close to me and shielded from these changes forever if I could.
I sat for a while. Then I needed to leave the house. A recently single friend told me that every Friday night when her STBX takes the kids, she gets a sandwich from Jimmy John's and a Redbox and sits in her bed eating and watching one movie, sometimes two if she is feeling crazy! :)
So I went to get my Jimmy John's. Then decided rather than a movie I could catch up on Mad Men on Amazon Prime. So once my sandwich is eaten I will hide in my bedroom with a huge Diet Coke and Don Draper to make me feel better.
Then I may just need to take 1/2 of a tranquilizer that my mom gave me so that I don't cry myself to sleep tonight alone in this quiet, quiet house.
My heart goes out to women everywhere who are experiencing separation and divorce. Nothing can prepare you for it.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Journal Backtrack 2011
February 17, 2011
Well, I believe I’ve finally given Sam the ultimatum that will get him off the fence one way or another. This morning I told him that he needs to be in the marriage or out. That he is hurting me too much with the way it is right now. He asked if we can talk tonight. The thing that kills me about Sam is that after 12,13 years he said his love for me started to fade. Now he doesn’t love me, won’t say it, won’t be physical with me, keeps his distance. He is living in the house and helping with the kids at night and smiling and nodding, but gone emotionally from the marriage.
How much more can I take? He continues to hurt me on a daily basis with his indecisiveness. Yes, divorce scares me to death. Moving, getting a decent job, raising the kids basically alone 24/7, all of it is frightening. Not having a person there who has my back, someone to talk to at night, spend time watching shows with, eating good food with.
Tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary. I am petrified that the evening before my anniversary my husband is going to say he is done with it all.
It really sucks that one person can make a decision to change another persons life completely. And now that is the exact situation that I find myself in. I hate it. I’ve never felt so alone and hopeless in my entire life.
Well, I believe I’ve finally given Sam the ultimatum that will get him off the fence one way or another. This morning I told him that he needs to be in the marriage or out. That he is hurting me too much with the way it is right now. He asked if we can talk tonight. The thing that kills me about Sam is that after 12,13 years he said his love for me started to fade. Now he doesn’t love me, won’t say it, won’t be physical with me, keeps his distance. He is living in the house and helping with the kids at night and smiling and nodding, but gone emotionally from the marriage.
How much more can I take? He continues to hurt me on a daily basis with his indecisiveness. Yes, divorce scares me to death. Moving, getting a decent job, raising the kids basically alone 24/7, all of it is frightening. Not having a person there who has my back, someone to talk to at night, spend time watching shows with, eating good food with.
Tomorrow is my 16th wedding anniversary. I am petrified that the evening before my anniversary my husband is going to say he is done with it all.
It really sucks that one person can make a decision to change another persons life completely. And now that is the exact situation that I find myself in. I hate it. I’ve never felt so alone and hopeless in my entire life.
Journal Backtrack 2010
July 2, 2010
I’m in a house full of noise and laughter and play and I’ve never felt so entirely alone and isolated. I think Sam has moved on emotionally and I don’t think I’ll get him back. I’m not ready to go it alone.
I’m in a house full of noise and laughter and play and I’ve never felt so entirely alone and isolated. I think Sam has moved on emotionally and I don’t think I’ll get him back. I’m not ready to go it alone.
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