I sent two nasty emails today. One to Monica that read: He is all yours. Good luck.
The second was to my cheating husband: Stay away from me for a while or I will be calling Mr. B (Monica's husband) and spilling all your S*#$. How dare you continue to have contact with her all this time. We are married, does that mean anything to you? You and Monica can go get f@*#ed.
Am I proud? No. Do I feel better? Yes.
My mom keeps asking me when I was going to start getting angry. Today I started.
Cheating husband is accusing me of simplifying this mess down to one issue (his cheating). Hell yes! If he hadn't cheated, had stayed focused on THIS family, we wouldn't be sitting in this spot right now.
Four years ago rather than looking for other women to have a "connection" with, he should have looked at himself and how he could fix things at home. Then tell me that if things didn't change, he didn't want to be married to me. I can't guarantee I could have solved it all or made him happy, but at least he could have given me the chance before he started seeing someone else.
So many emotions are inside of me the past few weeks: rage, anger, revenge, sadness, betrayal, self-pity. I feel like this is about as bad as this can get. If I can make it through the next 90 or so days, part of my life will be easier and part of it will be forever harder.
I am very blessed to have the complete support and backing of my family and closest friends. I know that they will not let us go hungry or become homeless. I know that they will provide what they can so that the boys can maintain as much of their normal activities as possible.
I am looking for jobs every day. I know that I can hold off until fall when school starts but I need to be on lookout now.
Juggling preschool, kindergarten and elementary schedules is not going to be easy.
I hate that cheating husband has taken away my ability to be a stay at home mom.
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cheating. Show all posts
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Journal Backtrack 2013
February 16, 2013
Caught Sam today. Still having an online relationship with Monica. I used his ipad. Went to check my facebook and he had monica’s name and password entered into facebook. I left the house. I later confronted him and he said she gave him access so that he could look at her photos. Then he said he wanted to see her marathon, then he said he just "needed closure". I took the kids to hotel for weekend. My 18th anniversary weekend.....
So how long has he been in contact with her?
Did the contact ever end after their affair in December of 2010?
Does her husband know yet? Is she still married?
Caught Sam today. Still having an online relationship with Monica. I used his ipad. Went to check my facebook and he had monica’s name and password entered into facebook. I left the house. I later confronted him and he said she gave him access so that he could look at her photos. Then he said he wanted to see her marathon, then he said he just "needed closure". I took the kids to hotel for weekend. My 18th anniversary weekend.....
So how long has he been in contact with her?
Did the contact ever end after their affair in December of 2010?
Does her husband know yet? Is she still married?
Journal Backtrack 2012
November 15, 2012
I want Sam out of my life forever. He doesn’t want to be near me or involved in my life, why should I do anything for him? I made a move on him 2 months ago in the shower and then when it was over we did not speak about it. He acted like nothing happened. We’ve had sex twice in the last year and 3 months and that is because I initiated it. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. He says it is because for years he tried to talk to me and get a deep connection between us and it never happened. So he shut off that part of his psyche. Or he started looking for other women, whatever, right? So for the last 3 1/2 years he has pulled away and completely distanced himself from me. I hate him for it.
Why should I live with someone who doesn’t want to be with me? Someone who doesn’t want to be loved or in love with me? Kids, I have tried. I’ve spent the last 2 1/2 years off and on in counseling for help. I’ve apologized to him at least 100 times for my past wrongdoings. I have tried to explain that I’ve always loved him. None of it has made a difference. I am sorry. Sorry that one day I will leave him or he will leave me and you will have your lives changed forever. I can’t do this anymore. I have never been so disheartened and enveloped in darkness in my life.
Tonight he comes home to yell at the kids for being loud or not listening or being naughty and patiently waits until it is time for them to go to bed. Then he can get on his f*ing world of warcraft and play it until 2 a.m. The kids don’t like him because he is not emotionally invested in their lives. He doesn’t get excited about anything they tell him. He doesn’t do special things with them individually or collectively. I don’t consider making popcorn and turning on a movie a special thing.
I want Sam out of my life forever. He doesn’t want to be near me or involved in my life, why should I do anything for him? I made a move on him 2 months ago in the shower and then when it was over we did not speak about it. He acted like nothing happened. We’ve had sex twice in the last year and 3 months and that is because I initiated it. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. He says it is because for years he tried to talk to me and get a deep connection between us and it never happened. So he shut off that part of his psyche. Or he started looking for other women, whatever, right? So for the last 3 1/2 years he has pulled away and completely distanced himself from me. I hate him for it.
Why should I live with someone who doesn’t want to be with me? Someone who doesn’t want to be loved or in love with me? Kids, I have tried. I’ve spent the last 2 1/2 years off and on in counseling for help. I’ve apologized to him at least 100 times for my past wrongdoings. I have tried to explain that I’ve always loved him. None of it has made a difference. I am sorry. Sorry that one day I will leave him or he will leave me and you will have your lives changed forever. I can’t do this anymore. I have never been so disheartened and enveloped in darkness in my life.
Tonight he comes home to yell at the kids for being loud or not listening or being naughty and patiently waits until it is time for them to go to bed. Then he can get on his f*ing world of warcraft and play it until 2 a.m. The kids don’t like him because he is not emotionally invested in their lives. He doesn’t get excited about anything they tell him. He doesn’t do special things with them individually or collectively. I don’t consider making popcorn and turning on a movie a special thing.
Journal Backtrack 2011
January 31, 2011
What do you do when your heart is broken into a million pieces? In my case, have a mini-nervous breakdown between midnight and 2:30 a.m. Sam has destroyed me. I want to hate him, but I don’t. I want to have the courage to do what is best for me, but I don’t. I don’t know what is best for my kids anymore. I hate being in this mess.
What do you do when your heart is broken into a million pieces? In my case, have a mini-nervous breakdown between midnight and 2:30 a.m. Sam has destroyed me. I want to hate him, but I don’t. I want to have the courage to do what is best for me, but I don’t. I don’t know what is best for my kids anymore. I hate being in this mess.
Journal Backtrack 2010
December 29, 2010
Things are still very very difficult. Sam has made some terrible decisions and done some really bad things. He stayed with his best friend for a week and a half and then I let him come home. Probably earlier then he deserved to, but Christmas was coming.....
Things are still very very difficult. Sam has made some terrible decisions and done some really bad things. He stayed with his best friend for a week and a half and then I let him come home. Probably earlier then he deserved to, but Christmas was coming.....
6 weeks in
May 5th-date I asked husband to move downstairs. Since then it has been a roller-coaster.
Although he is the one who cheated on me, he wants to file for divorce. I told him to do it-that I wasn't going to. We've split assets/debts, settled on alimony/custody.
He has moved in with family.
I am in a house that I don't know how I can afford it.
I do not have a job.
I have three little boys who mean the world to me.
Although he is the one who cheated on me, he wants to file for divorce. I told him to do it-that I wasn't going to. We've split assets/debts, settled on alimony/custody.
He has moved in with family.
I am in a house that I don't know how I can afford it.
I do not have a job.
I have three little boys who mean the world to me.
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